Captain J on...Dating



A young lady Ive been getting to know for awhile now told me that she wanted another child, and if the man she married didn't want any, she'd do an "oops" with the birth control and have her a baby anyway. I asked her why would she do such a thing and her response was..." if we married it wont matter, I got him and he got me anyway". Now, little does she know, that by that statement she'll FOREVER stay in the friend zone with me and NEVER go any further. The thing is, I asked her the same question 6 months ago, and her answer was.." I don't want any more kids, I want to travel and have something to save up for the ones I have now, LIKE YOU SAID. Mind you this woman is 5'3 and 175 lbs, THICK, but not fat, but only 2 pack of M&M's away from fat. Can you imagine what another baby will do to that body?! Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with bbw women, as a matter of fact, some of the longer relationships and better lovers Ive experienced in the past were on the "plus" side of the scales. I (this is my personal opinion) just don't want to take a bbw down the aisle. Why, because most if not all bbws don't want to take a bbm down the aisle, or date them for that matter, so why should I? Though im not that big of man, but you get my point.

See how feelings and goals change with time? Now, Ive watched people on facebook change their status every 2-3 months. 1st their single, then they re married, couple months go by, and their status is back to single. I say, take some time and get to know these people 1st!. You never know what a persons true intentions are just because they say so. Give it some time, get to know them, and the real truth will rear its ugly, yet wonderfully beautiful head. Charisma is what you'll see in the beginning and typically dosent last long, character (who you really are) will and can only be shown in time.

The bible has allot to say about fornication (sex before marriage) and here's just a few reasons why Biblical Reference, but lets take a more carnal look at this. We live in world that is getting worse and worse as the days go by, the world is only a reflection of the people who live in it. Morals, heck good manners, are going by the wayside faster than you blink. So to assume that people are telling you the truth just because you asked them is just about foolish (I'm mainly speaking of new people that enter into your life). I'm in my early 30's, but it didn't take me this long to realize that feelings change with time. So, if your my age or older, or if your younger and hearing this for the 1st time....Falling in love is not the way, most falls hurt, and not many stay down after a fall, they normally get back up sooner or later. Therefore, when it comes to love, people need to GROW in love....like a tree (I used tree because we often refer to our family tree, and even those take TIME to grow, they don't just all of sudden pop up on ancestry.com,in the family bible, or wherever you have them).  Love needs to nourished, and cultivated over time. Metaphorically speaking, its needs the sun, and good ground, good weather and storms to grow and become strong and  it needs time to reach it roots down so that when the storms and winds and (other) people do things/beat upon that tree, it ll still stand firm for many years to come. Now, God had us in mind and didn't want us alone (some of us he may just want all to himself Biblical Reference,Biblical Reference). know this also, love always considers THE OTHER PARTY AHEAD OF SELF, just something to keep in mind. I say, give it some time, examine yourself 1st and foremost and ask yourself, are you really ready to be with someone or are you just filling a void or trying/tired of being alone?

Theres a spirit of rebellion happening in the world, rebellion against God, his word, and his way of operation. Examine it for yourself, what if you had been obedient to God in the 1st place. How many broken hearts, painful situations both mental and physical, and flat out waste of time would've been avoided had you simply waited. Heck, not many people are even on speaking terms, let alone in a relationship or marriage with the person they gave their virginity too (something irreplaceable that they ll never get back). Along with that spirit of rebellion, theres allot of down low homosexuals, both male and female. Women who have been married and/or had children who later decides after the fact that they'd rather be lesbian. Men who secretly sneak around and have sex with other men and hide the fact from their women. Yup, down low. Ive personally had a married man try and "get at me" facebook. More often then im comfortable with, ill catch the eye of a woman that's with her man. The man will catch her sneaking and peeping, then he too will start sneaking and peeping, and its happening more and more as time goes on. Ive also seen many a "balla" car pull up and pick up, or drop off a transsexual.

Like I said before, take the time to get to know people. Sure ladies, you may be attracted to his aggressive posturing, and be in awe of his jail muscles...But what did he go to jail for, was this his 1st time being locked up, is he a constant repeat offender? Sure he may be locked up this time for carrying a gun, but what about those other times? Was it rape, statutory or otherwise. Don't be so quick to add that man to the family just because the baby daddy isn't there, he may be a thief, be looking at your daughter, or your son for that matter, the wrong way. This one goes especially to my single mothers out there.

 Men, don't just get caught up with her big ole (insert what ever your personal preference is) and be so fast to sleep with her. How many kids does she have, and by how many fathers? How many restraining orders does she have on men, or have had to put on men? If shes got multiple children by multiple men, how much unprotected sex has she had? She may have only gotten pregnant x amount of times. And we all know that it normally doesn't take long before the condoms come off, if nothing else the urge to take them off. Who has she had locked up, what were her past relationships like. Case in point: I know of a man that was sent to jail on domestic violence. He had a good job, and was a good man to his lady. Never hit her or even got loud with her in public, when to church, finished college, the whole nine. But, one day they got into an argument and he went to jail. When his lady was questioned about the circumstances by friends it sounded like this: " girl what happened". "he hit me". "OK, where yo marks at, I don't see any on your face, DID HE BREAK A RIB OR SOMETHING?!  ***** is kinda buffed". "he pushed me". " why did he push you?". " We was arguing and I was close and he pushed me". " he pushed you? Did he push you through something?" "Damn you nosey, i was up in his face, I called him a couple b1tches and h0es and he shoved me! I got he right to say what I want , that don't give him the right to touch me!". Not to drag the whole story out (I'm keeping it anonymous), but basically she had him up against the wall, disrespecting the man, and he shoved her out his face and up off him. Now, not all situations are this extreme, and not all ladies operate like that. BUT, its naturally in women (at least that's the excuse society uses nowadays) to try and see if they can wrestle control from their man, and believe it or not, there are women out there who don't think you love them or care about them until you hit them. Just keep in mind, that theres no real way to be inside a persons mind and know when too far is too far, or when shes had enough of you, plan on moving on and wants to display her power.....to dial 911 (that's another post all together).

Take your time, be safe, love yourselves 1st and take the time to let that love develop into something real and not just an emotion that ll change over time. They do say things are different after the marriage, and after you move in, Just f.y.i. And if it happens that you re the one to have what you think or feel is love, wait till that love is being reciprocated or mirrored before you move forward. If you're lonely, Jesus said " he'll never leave nor forsake you Biblical Reference.......he's probably the only man some of you all haven't tried out anyway =D.

Jesus: The way in and the way out.

There are many different religions, most I personally know very little about, but only Jesus has died for our sins, and offered a way to get into heaven. I personally am a Christian (if it wasnt obvious already), and I have no disrespect for other religions. With that being said, I dont understand how other religions can claim to get people into heaven when all religions claim to believe in God. God being: pure, holy, omnipotent, all powerful, etc. What gives man being: greedy, destructive, dirty, filthy, born in sin, and all points inbetween, the right to talk to, let alone, live and reign with him in his paradise? Jesus (refer to the picture above).

Wiki link, The Buddah is buried here, Muhammad over there, but nowhere can you find the body of Jesus Biblical Reference. So in my humble opinion, to talk about going to heaven when youre not talking about Jesus is...a lie Biblical Reference, Biblical Reference, Biblical Reference, Biblical Reference.

Planking, leggings, and sagging

We go through so many fads and phases growing up. Once upon a time, hammer pants,high top fades, jeri curls (the wetter the better) and big ole gold chains were all the rage. Like with most fads and phases, they either progress or they fall out style and are left behind (anyone remember 8 ball jackets?). Fads and phases and styles normally reflect the current feelings of the people in some sort of fashion. 8 ball jackets were popular during the boom of crack, hammer pants were whats up during the Mc Hammer reign of music, jeri curls... well those I never understood, but they were being worn when I was around. Games like hide and go seek, rock teacher and Mr Freeze were what I played as a kid, and believe me, those were good times. And when the Nintendo came out...Super Mario brothers, omg omg omg!

Like I said prior, Things either progress or simply fall out of style and existence. Video games for example, look NOTHING like they do now, they've advanced. We've traded high tops for low fades, and jeri curls for dreadlocks and "natural" styles (imo its not natural, its just nappy). When I was in high school, we sagged our pants a pinch. As a matter of fact, we sagged our pants JUST ENOUGH to show the name on the bands of our underwear (Tommy Hillfiger was the ish around this time). Lets fast forward to today and we have...

this. Yeah, um, im not 100% sure how we got to this, but like I said, things progress. This...style started in the prison system. Ive personally never did any time, but I have it on good authority (people who have done long terms in prisons like Statesville, Joliet, and Pontiac) say this is worn by the fellas who either were looking to be someones "bitch", or were already someones "bitch"., in other words available for prison sex in one form or another. Or, they were on suicide watch (normally from being raped and not wanting to live with the fact) and the prison didnt want to see them hanging from their belts the following morning. Some may say "naw mayne, we just dressing how whatever rapper is dressing, its a style dawg". I listen to rap, and most rappers either are, or claim to be, felons long before they began rapping.  The movie Notorious, about the rapper Biggie Smalls, showed that that's where he had the time to develop his awesome lyrical skills, inside his cell. Speaking of progression, we went from

To...

You may be saying "naw bruh, we dress like this cuz we tryna "catch". Ive also seen prostitutes dressed like this because they too were trying to "catch".

Earlier I mentioned video games, and games I played in my younger years, and progression. So instead of those simple games like red light green light, IT and games of that nature, the youth (and grown ups as Ive noticed) are planking.

Planking started here ,in case you didn't know. Look at them, stiff as a board, for hours, nay, days on end.

I also mentioned hairstyles before didn't I? Back in the day did women wear their hair different colors, sure did. If you look at the pic of Salt n Peppa, they wore blond and I'm just about sure they weren't born blond,lol. Again, there is progression, fast forward and we have

and all sorts of fire engine, kool-aid reds, honey blonds, hill street blues and all sorts of other colors.

 To get to the point, everything has a beginning before it gets to us, like the bible says, there is nothing new under the sun Biblical reference.   If you re not gay, why dress in ANYWAY thats remotely synonymous with being gay? Sure, it may not be as androgynous as The artist formerly known as Prince (or whatever he calls himself now), but its still associated with homosexuality. If you re not looking to sell your body, why dress like the hookers that do? As a man, ill tell you, you will "catch" my eye, but my attention isn't on YOU, its on your BOOTY/BODY. Unlike women, men can, and often times will, separate sex from emotion. Why are you wearing that extreme a color on your head, do you really need that kind of attention? What successful person have you seen with hair that color or colors? Stop representing someone else and represent YOU. So, instead of following the latest fad, craze or phase, lets really sit back a second and say to ourselves "do I want to do this, and find this fun or interesting, is this who I am or how I want to represent myself, or am I just following the crowd?"

If you do realize that you are indeed following the crowd, realize that society and the world as a whole is progressively getting worse, not better,and you don't have to follow it and the rest of the people into oblivion. Don't want to be left alone, you have Jesus who will be with you closer than a brother Biblical Reference, should you choose to accept him. Don't know what to do, Jesus can show you his PERFECT will for your life, he knows what you re good at Biblical Reference. At the end of the day ladies and gents..STAND FOR SOMETHING, OR FALL FOR ANYTHING.

Dont have a diploma or GED, or know someone who dosent?

Love...Its what the world needs now

I'm convinced that love is the answer to all the issues in the world as a whole. When I speaking about love, I'm not talking about that watered down-emotional stuff most folks talk about. I'm talking about the love the grows, that gives, that nurtures, that loves no matter what the circumstances are, AUTHENTIC love. As a christian, its a requirement and not an option: Biblical Reference. Its almost impossible to imagine a world where we obeyed just these 2 commandments.There would be no violence, no "drama", no need or lack for anything... a complete opposite of the world we live in now,lol. It would be the manifestation of the world how it was INTENDED to be, Eden, before the fall of man.

 When Jesus said "love your neighbor" he wasn't  just talking about the person next door, the people on your block, or the ones in your neighborhood or country, he was speaking of ALL the people on the planet. We're all neighbors of this life, we're here and, whether you realize/acknowledge it or not, in this together. That's why when we're blessed, we're blessed to be a blessing to OTHER people Biblical Reference. The "standard" nowadays is "closed mouths dont get fed", and to a degree I agree with that. I mean, you have to open your mouth to ask for things right? Biblical Reference. More so, I side with this Biblical Reference.

I'm convinced that every test the enemy aka Satan (to make it plain) throws at us is a suggestion and/or and opportunity to get us outside of love. Whether it be love of God, by not sinning, Love of each other,by showing love to each other regardless of the circumstances, or love of ourselves, through any number of things that can damage our bodies, love is what we need and whats required of us. By no means am I suggesting that we be door mats or take abuse, but love is the commandment, and the key to everything good. I say, choose love and all the joys that it brings, choose to love God to obey what he tells you to do Biblical Reference, choose to love each other, we're here together and being kind and generous hasn't done anyone wrong, even if it came back later and not through the person or thing you issued it out to Biblical Reference, and choose to love yourselves by guarding your hearts Biblical Reference ,(besides Jesus if you choose him) you're all that you have and you are the object of change for your lives for the better and the object of change for others.Make love your motivation Biblical Reference

"The Good News"

The Good News is that we can be blessed, plain and simple. God has this in mind for us long before we were even a thought between our parents Biblical Reference. " blessed how?!", you may be asking, the word defines it here: Biblical Reference. Asking me, a person who takes God at his word, it means in ALL areas of our lives, finance, health, family, relationships, and anything & everything we can think of.

 Along with our blessing, he sent his only begotten son, Jesus the Christ (Christ is a title, and not his last name)to teach us, show us the way and to die for us that we can have access to God and the blessings he has for us Biblical Reference.